Matt W = Spikeballer of The Week. Read it, it’s a good one.
Matt W is the chosen one this week folks. Heading to the heartland, Des Moines, IA for this week’s Spikeballer of the Week!
When Spikeball was just a wee pup we thought that it would be popular for people that live near the beach and not really anywhere else. As usual, I was waaaaaaaaaay off the mark. This week’s SBOTW proves the fact in that he is livin’ the lifestyle, the Spikeball lifestyle that is, in Des Moines, IA. As you make your way through this interview you’ll read that Matt has beaten up people in jail, hangs out at yacht clubs, tosses in a ‘Joey from Full House’ reference, and has some choice words for the ex. Let’s make sure she doesn’t see this one, K?
Dig in…
Where do you live?
-Des Moines, IA
Hometown:?
-Fort Madison, IA
Ever been arrested? If yes, share ALL details.
–Public Intox @ age 19 at an Iowa State football tailgate. Do not remember getting arrested or booked in. Next thing I know some old regular in the drunk tank was running his mouth at me and I was tossing his toothless a$s on the ground. Solitary confinement is boring.
–Boating Under the Influence, one 4th of July I was at a friend’s cabin up in MN and we were out boating…he asked me if I’d hold the wheel for him while he got something out of the back of the boat. I held the wheel for about a minute going idle speed and got pulled over by a Sherriff Boat (only in MN). Was 4 guys in our boat along with about 100 dead soldiers on the floor. I didn’t stand a chance on the field sobriety test. A-hole cop looked exactly like Dave Coulier (Joey from Full House), and he was probably excessively pissed that people tell him that. Plus he most likely is still upset he got his ass kicked all the time in high school. I decided to tell him that he probably really needed to get laid. This also didn’t help my case…good thing BUI’s were not considered the same as DUI’s yet (now they are).
Best vacation?
-The best unplanned trip ever…4 college roommates jumped in the car for spring break with a week’s worth of clothes with no plans other than to drive out of the frozen Midwest. Partied with friends in several different cities all the way to Southern FL and managed to royally piss off most of the St. Petersburg Yacht and Country Club by partying all night. Put 3k miles on my friends new car and let him drive about 50 of them out of our own personal safety.
Worst vacation?
-Refer to question 2…Crosslake, MN. Would have been cool if I hadn’t been tossed in the slammer.
Occupation?
-Loan Adjustor for a BIG BANK, until you get Spikeball Pro Tour going so I can quit my job and will no longer want to shoot myself every day at work. I feel like Ron Livingston’s character in Office Space. (Editor’s Note: Mmmmmm yeeaaa….Peter, we’re gonna need you to come in this weekend.”)
How long have you been Spikeballin’?
-I’m a rookie so far, just learned about a month ago while visiting friends out in Chi…one game and I was hooked and played for 5 hours straight. Couldn’t get off couch for a day or two after. I’m going to put Iowa on the map of Spikeball though. We don’t have a lot to do here but drink, play games, and play drinking games…just a matter of time.
Bea Arthur or Betty White?
-Why isn’t Blanche an option? She was the original Cougar. And GOD BLESS COUGARS! But if I had to pick between the two…Betty is the best—didn’t you see the Snicker’s commercial or when she hosted SNL?? Hilarious.
Have you ever purchased fine China as a wedding gift?
-My friends don’t really deserve classy things, and would probably just ruin them anyways.
Have you ever purchased a Spikeball set as a wedding gift?
-Not yet but that’s a good idea…nice subliminal message to get people to buy more sets, though!
Favorite music group/artist?
-I have a hard time picking favorites, but one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen is a band called Hairball out of Minneapolis. They tour the Midwest…have to be the best cover band ever. They cover almost every 80’s hair band you can think of, and not only just cover it—they get fully into character. They have two lead singers so while one is playing as Bret Michaels, the other is backstage changing his clothes and makeup and next thing you know, Prince is out there, then the Crue, GNR, etc. Very good show.
What is the best “Spikeballin” song on your ipod?
-Even Rocky had a Montage – DVDA (Trey Parker/Matt Stone)…..at least when I’m not listening to the Days of Thunder or Major League soundtracks to pump me up.
What concert are you most embarrassed to have attended?
-Limp Bizkit…give me a break I was 18…and this was before the Fred Durst depression/starving for attention time started, but there were hints of his closet douchebaggery emerging.
Why did they pick you to be Spikeballer of the week?
-Has to be the Chuck Norris beard. Wait til I perfect my roundhouse spike shot…you’re all in trouble. (Editor’s Note: AMAZING Halloween git up)
What are you going to do with your prize money?
-My bank account and my bar tab are on opposite sides of a revolving door.
Dream location for your next Spikeball game?
-Helipad on top of the Burj Al Arab Hotel in Dubai…1,053 ft off the ocean. I’ve been jealous of Agassi and Federer for getting to shoot that Nike commercial playing tennis up there. Would sure make your diving saves a lot more interesting and intense. May need a stock of extra Spikeballs though.
Pre-game meals? Rituals? Superstitions?
-Well you have to drink enough to hit it just right on the Bell Curve to optimize your buzz without killing your motor skills too much. This also helps for some witty drunken trash talking. So a few pre-game beers and/or shots are a must. (Editor’s note: +1 for first ever mention of a bell curve in the SBOTW series)
Favorite Movie of all time?
-The Big Lebowski…… and I did some checking–The Pope does, in fact, shit in the woods on occasion. (Editor’s note: STFU Donny)
What else does the Spikeball community need to know about you?
- I’m a Daywalker, not a Ginger…I do have half a soul.
****You didn’t ask me if I’d have anything to say to my ex but I liked that question from other previous SBOTW….so just throwing this in, I’d say: “Sorry, but we were bound to not workout…I’m an Aries……….and you’re a selfish B!tch” (Editor’s note: More than happy to bring back some old questions, especially when they yield answers like this)
Thanks for the time Matt. Should you ever run into Full House Joey again give Spikeball a call and we’ll help out with bail.
